Derren actually
contacted me via email in Nov 2002
and pointed out (and I quote...):
"you might like to know that the 'Dez Brown's Lovely Thaumaturgy
Column' wasn't written by me, but is instead an unforgiveably irreverent
parody of a book I published for magicians some time ago."
Dez Brown's Lovely Thaumaturgy Column
Salutations my aspiring masters of all that is thaumaturgical. Take your dainty hand in mine and permit me to be your prestidigatory Corypheus for the next few paragraphettes.
The Revers'd Card: A card merely thought of by a pretty lady is found to be the only face down card in a face up pack of cards.
The world of legerdemain has sat on its communal obsese arse for many years by deploying a device known as "the invisible deck." Using such a thing, my darlings, is akin to the sensation of a rough anal intrusion while laying in a horizontal position in a field of daisies. By using subtlety such as what is to follow, the same effect can be achieved in what is, if I do say so myself, a far more delightful way. Reverse the seven of diamonds in a pack of cards and find a pretty lady. Ask her to simply name the highest card that she can, "but not the eight of hearts." Do you see how clever I am being, my angels? Because pretty ladies are invariably thinking about kittens and babies, the psychological force is not noticed. The wording is such that the lady will think of a different suit but because her head is so full of lovely things, she will naturally chose a diamond. She was asked to think of a high card that isn't an eight and because eight is the highest number known to the ladies, she will have to choose the seven. Slowly and elegantly reveal the seven of diamonds to be the solitary face down card in the pack and use the next few moments to fend off the inevitable sexual advances that the pretty lady will make on you.
A number transmitt'd: A lady thinks of a number in her head and a suave, debonair mindreader is able to deduce it.
This, my cherubs, is a most lovely and attractive effect; it is so desireable that I could easily spend an hour or so just nibbling upon its ear and whispering words of love to it. The method is thus: Get your lady of choice to sit opposite you and place her hands by her side. Ask her to think of a number and to concentrate very hard on it. Reveal to the temptress and also to your astounded audience that the number is fifteen and take your most deserved applause. There is, of course, an element of chance in this effect but should the unlikely event of failure occur, merely move onwards on to your next miracle.
See you soon, my loves. I shall greet you with a friendly and passionate lick on your cheek the next time that we meet. Dez. XXX